October 2002 - תִּשְּׁרֵי .. חֶשְׁוָן תשס״ג Tishrei..Cheshvan 5763

Happy 5763! Thank you all for sharing beautiful holy day services with Cantor Hirschhorn and me. Some of you mentioned that you would like to see in writing some of billboards and bumper stickers that I mentioned in my Erev Rosh HaShanah d'rash. Just as a reminder the billboards were collected in a little book by Charles Robb called God Speaks (published by Random House in 2000). These are his messages from God Speaks intermixed with some bumper stickers that I have found and finally a few suggestions of my own. Remember these prophetic messages could be written on the subway walls or on the bumper sticker of the car in front of you.

• I am a 24x7 deity - God
• (And) I don't question your existence - God
• (Or from the other side) Sometimes you act like I don't even exist - God
• (Rest assured) I'm around - God
• (Seen on a bumper sticker) Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
• (Then think about this one) What if you don't believe in Me ... and you're wrong? - God
• (I like this one) I'm in the Book - God
• (A little bumper sticker advice) Having truth decay? Brush up on your Bible!
• (Here's one for Elul) I saw that - God
• (The Rosh Hashanah billboard) I'm also making a list and checking it twice - God
• (To the whole Jewish people) We used to be so close - God
• (To each one of us) Remember how we'd talk every night at bedtime? I miss that - God
• (A divine warning) If we don't communicate, you haven't got a prayer - God
• (Because God asks) How come you only talk to me when you're in trouble? - God
• (But there is help) Your synagogue is prayer-conditioned - God
• (Big ‘but’) It's not only how you pray, it is how you live - God
• (Now, in the bumper sticker genre) Prayer - Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
• (Some good bumper sticker advice) Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
• (Think about this one) If the flood had come today, would you have missed the boat? - God
• (On the other hand) We're in this together, you know - God
• There is nothing random about fate - God
• (And) Morality does not go out of style - God
• (Or better) Right, wrong, choose - God
• (This is the bumper sticker version) Give God what's right, not what's left!
• (Continuing a theme, here is another bumper sticker) God doesn't want shares of your life; God wants controlling interest!
• (Saying it a little differently) Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
• (And the result) Your children will inherit your values - God
• (Another family value) I like to think of marriage as a bond between just the three of us - God
• (And another) Talk to Me; listen to your kids - God
• (How about an invitation?) Let's get together at My house this weekend - God
• (Here's one for me) I heard your prayer; I just don't care who wins the game - God
• (Followed soon after by) Ditto the lottery - God
• (Charles Robb's version) Life is a test. {#2 pencil not required} - God
• (My version) Life is a test, it is only a test, had it been your real life, you would have read the manual.
• (Now a little billboard theology) I exist, therefore you are - God
• (And) I can think of ten things that are carved in stone - God
• (Remember) I love everyone, but prefer ‘fruits of the spirit’ to ‘religious nuts’! - God
• (This is very important) Those who preach hate aren't speaking for Me - God
• (Rather the Jewish tradition teaches) Wisdom has two parts: 1) Having a lot to say. 2) Not saying it.
• (Finally, one more billboard) Is this the sign you've been waiting for? - God

World Series and Judaism - stolen from the Internet by Rabbi Manhoff

My sermon today,
and I hope it's OK,
Is baseball and whence it came.
If you take the good book,
and you take a good look,
You will find the first baseball game.

It says:

Eve stole first and Adam second,
Solomon umpired the game.
Rebecca went to the well with the pitcher,
and Ruth in the field made a name.
Goliath was struck out by David,
a base hit made on Abel by Cain.
And Jacob's sons made a great home run,
brother Noah gave checks out for rain.

God up there was checking errors,
but Moses he showed us the way.
Abraham tried to sacrifice Isaac,
but was called out in a very close play.
Delilah was pitching to Samson,
when he brought down the house with a clout.
And the Angels that day made a double play,
that's when Adam and Eve were thrown out.

Jonah wailed and went down swinging,
later he popped up again.
A line drive by old Nebuchadnezzar
made Daniel warm up in the pen.
The serpent was pitching that apple;
it looked as though he might fan them all.
But then Joshua let go with a mighty blow,
and he blasted one right at the wall.
Shouting “come along and let's play ball!”

—Rabbi Harry A. Manhoff, Ph.D.

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