July..August 2000 - סִיוָן .. תַּמּוּז .. אָב תש״ס Sivan..Tammuz..Av 5760

We are celebrating a wonderful summer of young people becoming B'nai Mitzvah (one Bar Mitzvah, one Bat Mitzvah, more than one B'nai Mitzvah unless they are all girls, then they are B'not Mitzvah). The summer began in April when Harris Smiler became a Bar Mitzvah. Then last month Scott Schwartz, Andrea Phillips and Aaron Kelly became B'nai Mitzvah. During the months of July and August, Shaina Hertz Dunn, Mark Andre and Michael Pieczenik-Siegel will become B'nai Mitzvah. Then the remainder of this wonderful class will become B'nai Mitzvah in September and October. That is when Jeremy Heskin, Micheal Schlein and Joanna Eisenberg will assume the responsibilities of Jewish adults.

Recently, while lurking on the Internet, I came across a discussion of synagogue board members who were discussing the question, “Who owns Shabbat?” In many large congregations where there are B'nai Mitzvah every week, and sometimes more than one each week, the worshipping community has been “driven away” by the celebrating community. In other words, the Shabbat morning regulars are not comfortable attending a service to which they may not have been “invited”. The community that attends a service at which a young person becomes a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is celebrating with the family, but may not be worshipping according to the minhag, custom, of the “regulars”.

This is understandable even at Temple Beth Sholom, because many of the celebrants are from other synagogues, or do not belong to a synagogue, or may not be Jewish. They may not know our music, our particular order of worship, or how to read Hebrew. (Though now we have available a fully transliterated service.) So, sometimes the Shabbat morning regulars feel that when we join in praying as we do on a “regular” Shabbat Shacharit service, that somehow we may be taking away from the focus on the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Of course, intellectually, we understand that the Rabbi and Cantor depend on the regulars to help the rest of the congregation to participate. And we also know in our minds that no one is invited to pray because anyone has the right to pray in any place. But in our hearts we often have trouble separating the invitation to celebrate with a Bar or Bat Mitzvah family with the absolute right to worship at every service.

In large synagogues this is a very serious problem, because with celebrations every week, there is no opportunity for a group of regular worshippers to form. In many larger congregations the solution has been to create a lay-led ‘library minyan’ that meets somewhere other than the main sanctuary, either in a chapel, a library or a classroom. Unfortunately, the library minyan does not often, if ever, mix with the celebrants in the main sanctuary. Recently the rabbis on the Internet discussed the “problem” of library minyan regulars who wanted their children to become B'nai Mitzvah with the library minyan and not in the main sanctuary. How ironic! How lucky we are! First of all, we have the Little Shul for our Shabbat morning regulars. Secondly, we are small enough to know each other, so the celebrating families are not strangers to the regulars. Under the tutelage of Barbara Cassuto, our Bar/Bat Mitzvah coordinator, the students preparing to become B'nai Mitzvah regularly attend with their parents, on Shabbat mornings. So on the special Shabbat when we have too many to fit in the Little Shul, everyone is welcome in the main sanctuary to celebrate and worship together. And the wonderful thing is, we do!

Who owns Shabbat? That's easy! Everyone and no one owns Shabbat. God owns Shabbat. In reality, I am proud to say that our B'nai Mitzvah join Cantor Hirshhorn and me in leading our regular Shabbat services. Yes, the Bar or Bat Mitzvah gives the d'rash (sermon), but my little response is often what I would have said if I had given my weekly comments. And yes, the parents of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah give a short (and I emphasize “short”) emotion-filled charge to their son or daughter, and this is not done every week. But by that point we are so proud of the children of our congregation that we want to gush out our praise too! The extra aliyot and the parents' charge add a half-hour to the service. It is such a small price to pay for such nachas. Bottom line, the B'nai Mitzvah are participating in the regular prayer life of our congregation, on Friday evenings and Shabbat mornings. Why don't you come and join us. We celebrate and pray together.

—Rabbi Harry A. Manhoff, Ph.D.

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